How were you to know that PC Plod was watching your every move from an unmarked car? Haven’t they got better things to do with their time than spy on those that are desperate to empty a bursting bladder?
Okay, so you’d had a few jars with the lads earlier and thought you were being discreet when you relieved yourself behind that statute in the park. What you did not realise in your tipsy state was that all the bushes had been cut back and you were now mooning to the elderly lady residents in the Twilight Home opposite.
It wasn’t until you were bought before Mrs Peel the magistrate in the morning that it all clicked into place…….you had urinated all over her ancestor Robert’s statue. That would be Robert Peel, founder of the Metropolitan police.
No wonder the WPC that arrested you seemed to take your offence so personally!